A Birthday Reflection

05 December 2022

As I prepare to turn 24 in a couple of days, I have once again found myself in a state of introspection as I reflect upon the past year and assess my hopes, dreams, and aspirations for the year ahead. This is the second birthday that I've spent abroad (the first was in 2019 while living in Poland). This may be a bit of a meandering post; I hope you'll bear with me as I piece together my stream of conscious thoughts.

Winter Reflections

This time of year can bring simultaneous joy and sadness for a myriad of reasons. Joy comes with the celebration of Christmas, Thanksgiving, and my birthday - all of which fall between these last two months of the year. Yet, at the same time, as I celebrate these occasions, I am confronted with the reality that those who I hold most dear are, once again, a few thousand miles away, separated by both an ocean and a 6-hour time difference. 

None of this is unexpected; when I accepted the Fulbright, I knew it would come with its share of ups and downs, much of this parallelling my time as a Boren Award Scholar in Poland. The only time I was truly caught by surprise in my new surroundings was when I found myself living abroad for the first time, back when I was in France. This time around, I've made a more concerted effort to show more of the reality I face as I see it, the ups, downs, and the in-between. 

Perhaps I've become more confident in myself, or maybe I've simply learned to care a little bit less about controlling the perception others have of me and my experiences abroad. While my Facebook and Instagram posts will continue to serve as a sort of highlight reel, I wanted to take an opportunity to go a bit deeper with this blog - exploring the highlights, funny stories, and - yes - even a few of the shadows that invariably accompany every new dawn. 

Last year, I can distinctly recall celebrating my birthday with my "Office Family" at the Mayor's Office. Complete with a few of my favorite things - including an assortment of treats from McDonald's - my fantastic office team, who I had worked with in some capacity since my senior year of high school, surprised me with food and pictures from our time together over the years. To Jake, Julia, Chris, Jessie, Donna, Andy, Allison, Julie, and Kim - I miss y'all and think of you often. 

Finding Balance

As a dedicated, vision-driven, and very focused individual, I often struggle with the notion of stopping to enjoy the moment. My time in France and Poland taught me how to do this, yet upon returning back home, I quickly forgot how to strike this balance in life. This time around, Slovakia is once again teaching me to savor the moment and make the most of every day as I continue to focus on that next step with the same vision-driven mindset that often propels me forward as I endeavor to do and be better with whatever task is at hand.

Teaching

Teaching English, my students have helped me to better appreciate the small moments - you know, those moments where memories are made, impressions formed, and where the seeds of change are planted and brought to life. Although my persistent and intense Type-A personality still shows through as I spend hours crafting PowerPoint and thinking of creative ways to make class both educational and fun, my students have helped me to appreciate the small things as I see things from their vantage point and learn from their perspective. 

Starting out, the adjective that I thought of most to describe my success as a teacher was "inadequate." Bear in mind that I'm teaching high school students ranging in age from 15-21 - yet whenever I'd have a lesson that seemingly went off the rails for one reason or another, or when my students simply would show more interest in their phones than my lesson, I would deceive myself into thinking that I was doing something wrong. It took me a few weeks to realize that many students aren't as driven as I was in high school, and some simply don't want to be at school. Regardless of what the reason was, it took a while for me to convince myself that, so long as I was doing my best, there was nothing more I could either ask or expect of myself. 

Introspection through songs: Wonder, Lonely, and Hold on to Me.

Wonder, the song by Shawn Mendes, is a song I often find myself thinking of and relating to as I think of my life back in Maryland that I once again abruptly left to return to one of my favorite hobbies of galavanting across Central Europe (at least that's what some of y'all think I'm doing here). :)

Early on in France, I learned a very hard lesson, which was that - to many - out of sight does indeed mean out of mind. This rings true in both life and politics, and I've experienced this phenomenon in both to varying degrees. In France, I tried to stay in touch with many friends who simply would reciprocate the effort, and it took me a while to realize that it's one of life's cold realities - not all friends value your friendship as much as you value theirs. I've often joked with some that I am one of the most loyal people I know; this is because I value relationships and loyalty more than most, and I tend to be wary of connections based solely on convenience. 

Lonely, a song by Justin Bieber that hits the same way every time I hear it, is another song that I can relate to on a few levels. Make no mistake, I enjoy being productive, and I would not trade my laser-focused demeanor and personality; however, that being understood, I often am left to quietly contend with the ramifications of being driven to a fault. One of these ramifications, which can become exacerbated while abroad, is the feelings of isolation that often accompany various forms of success and achievement. Whether leading an organization or uprooting myself on multiple occasions to live in a foreign land across the ocean, isolation is often a side-effect of events and circumstances that, from the outside looking in, are often viewed as achievements. 

While I wouldn't hesitate for a second to emphatically state that I would not change a thing with regard to the opportunities that have afforded me opportunities to live in France, Poland, and (now) Slovakia over the past four years, I have come to recognize that it's okay to acknowledge that,  even though I'd make the same decisions, it's okay to acknowledge that with great opportunities come great challenges.

Hold On To Me by Lauren Daigle is one of my favorite tunes; it's a song I came to love soon after its release last year.  As many of you know, my faith is very important to me. In times of uncertainty and difficulty, it is what sustains me as I continue to forge ahead in my desire to make the most of every day and worthwhile opportunity.

Journal

I've started to keep a journal where I record a few of the more memorable moments from classes. Although it's not always smooth sailing, I have genuinely enjoyed teaching, and I have been encouraged by watching my students as they slowly become more confident in their ability to speak English. In addition to my class story journal, I've also started a second journal that I call my "gratefulness" journal; this is where I record the things that I am particularly grateful for at any point and time. This idea came from one of my III A students who remarked during class one day that this was a practice he began as he contemplates the meaning of important people and things in life.

Looking Forward

Looking at the year ahead, I remain excited about what lies ahead. I'll have a few meaningful announcements in the new year as I make a decision as to where I'll pursue my JD upon my return to the United States. As for now, I am working to make the most of every day as I continue to teach and enjoy my Adventures in Slovakia.